The rain fell and the sun was shining

He was lying in the bed as the rain came down all around outside. He wanted to go for a run and as he walked to the door, the sun was shining. As he reached the door, the water fell from the sky all around, the grey clouds dominated the sun, taking over in their battle for the sky. The sun was shining bright outside but he could not go because it was pouring wet with rain. It was too dark, too damp, too wet. How could he find motivation for anything? For life? He wanted to sulk back into the cocoon, seeping deep underneath the covers of his blanket. It felt as if something heavy was crushing him. He could barely breathe. He curled up into fetal position and began to scream for help, wondering if this time, he would be heard.

This had been his entire adult life from the graduation of high school all throughout university and beyond. But it had really increased during university. There were things his heart wanted to believe but his brain would not let him. There was a beautiful reality but his mind did not want to accept. While the sun was shining, his mind insisted that the sky was playing tricks on him. It was really raining. What is this depression we are thrown into consistently? Why do some people have to go through a literal Hell on Earth? He took out the razors again, wondering if the physical pain would diminish the interior pain. Or perhaps someone would notice and take pity on him. He wanted someone in his life. He was alone. Someone he could just rest his head on for a change. Where could he find someone like that?

He had been locked in an unreality for so long. Forced onto social media to find friends because he couldn't cling to anyone in real life. After high school, his old friends dispersed. Most of them just remembered him as that quirky weird guy who told conspiracy theories about the Catholic Church or that guy who had all these different outbursts. How would anyone recognize him as the convert he was now? Even if he could reconnect with them, they'd be in disbelief at who he was at least attempting to become. They would consider him out of his mind. He didn't really talk to anyone at church. He tried, but most people were going about their lives. Such are things in the deep suburbs. If it isn't work, it's sleeping from exhaustion. People connect with people who are closer to them in physical difference, no one wants to drive out an hour's length to connect with someone it seems.

Of course, even the people on social media aren't enough. Even they could not withstand his outbursts. Blocked, unfriended, unfollowed by mutuals. Was there ever any hope of retaining any such friendships both real or in the online world? Probably not. We don't always see what's behind someone's sufferings. We assume everything is great, everything is perfect. Perhaps she can shed some light on all of the brokenness hidden behind. There she is, perfect and beautiful. She is the most beautiful soul he has ever met. Perhaps if the Theotokos hadn't overtaken her before, she would have been the most beautiful woman who ever walked the earth. She gives him a shoulder to rest his head on. She smiles at him and listens to him. She cares about him and her own children. She looks at him as one of her own children. And yet deep down, even she is fighting a battle.

People are not perfect, despite their outward experiences. They wrestle with dragons that are far more terrible than the myths and legends of the romance world. These dragons try to pry their lives from them. How is it that the richest nations can experience so many psychologically and clinically depressed people? We can provide, we have jobs, but there is something missing from our lives. Like an incomplete puzzle, missing a piece. Children are starving across the world, being forced into grueling labors against their wills, but depression hits at the richest of nations. Because in spite of our wealth, we have chosen to feign relationships across. We have refused to accept our fleshly kin. We have our friends in real life but we have forgotten to talk to them in anything other than, "LOL", "TTYL", "ROTFL", "TBH", "IMO", and several other choice smiley face emojis. We have been programmed for the age of electronic communication and deceived into thinking that reality has been usurped. But our friends are right before our eyes. Someone cares deeply for us as a son, someone cares deeply for us as a mother, someone cares deeply for us as a father.

The sun is shining...but the rain continues to fall. But the sun is shining so the rain must not be real.